Avoiding makes sense if, for example, you have had the same difficult conversation with someone repeatedly, or have witnessed other people having the same conversation with them. Avoidance can be a successful strategy only if you take crucial inner action— you have to let go. Or, your resentment will build and build until you have to let it out. In both cases, the result could well be an explosion. You can sometimes change your relationship with a difficult person and improve your communication through avoidance if you are willing also to release and change your attitude, your thinking, and your feelings about them.
About Lorraine Segal As a teacher, trainer, consultant, and coach, I am passionately committed to helping people in organizations and companies learn skills to release conflicts and misunderstandings, communicate better, heal from bullying, and create a more harmonious and productive workplace. I teach communication, bullying awareness, and conflict management skills at Sonoma State University and online, and create customized programs for businesses, non profits, and the public sector, as well as working with individual managers and employees.
When working with individuals as a supervisor, mediator, or friend it is helpful to get them to consider the pros and cons of avoiding conflict. Developing a strategy or plan requires that conflict avoidant individuals at least consider their options. Choosing a conflict mode other than avoiding may be understood by conflict avoidant people as a better option but acting on this choice can still be very difficult.
Ensure that emotions are under control so that the facts, beliefs, and goals regarding the disagreement can be clarified and understood as objectively as possible. Excessive fear can be emotionally paralyzing.
Acting out of anger will likely cause impulsive behavior that can be damaging. However the energy derived from strong emotions is often the impetus needed for taking action. Role playing or writing out a plan of action can give a conflict avoidant person the confidence they need to deal with the conflict. Assertiveness coaching may also help. These preparatory approaches allow individuals to express their thoughts and feelings in a manner that is typically less stressful than talking about them spontaneously.
It is possible that one party will be in a relative power position over another, such as a boss vs. In these situations involve a person in a mediator role who can be neutral yet balance the power relationship so that the weaker party will develop the courage to address their concerns.
When this is not possible the weaker party may need to include another person as a third party advocate or observer to help give them some support. Report bugs here. Please share your general feedback. You can join in the discussion by joining the community or logging in here. You can also find out more about Emerald Engage. The benefits of avoidance include reduced stress, saved time or reduced risks, whereas with accommodation, restored harmony, reduction of loss and enhanced relationships are the potential gains.
On the other hand, the costs of avoidance include resentment, potential delays and decreased communication. For accommodation the downside risks are loss of motivation and self-respect. Avoidance is generally the denial of conflict, treating it like an ostrich whose head is buried in the sand. The avoider usually side steps an issue by either changing the topic or withdrawing from the controversy. Sometimes this is a calculated strategic response and may be effective.
For example a company may ignore minor complaints from disappointed consumers. In relationships avoidance of conflict may result in lower satisfaction but it can also be used for stability and predictability.
When analyzing avoidance the basic question an individual faces is whether to avoid or engage. You may not be conscious that you are making a real choice. People who experience trauma tend to avoid conflict.
0コメント